e u s t a c i e s

 Andrea Maria from Clavicórdio

"I like to think that my hatred is a kind of mysticism.
It's not a totalitarian hatred, spread without care 

or devotion, but a humble, somewhat hypocritical, 

contemplative hatred, filled to the nostrils, like a saint, 

with a faint rotten aroma and dried blood.
I know that to hate is to still be in relationship. Refusal 

is still a relationship, like the father who abandons his 

son to save us. And I believe wholeheartedly in the son

 mixed with the cross."

 

Ka: Dar Oakley in the Ruin of Ymr  john crowley 

 

I had lost my faith, as the church would say it, though I think the reverse is just as true. In fact I’m not sure that faith was ever what I had. I think I was not capax Dei, in Augustine’s phrase: I had, and have, no capacity for God. Living in the sacred time you didn’t really need it; you didn’t even need belief. All you needed were five senses, a sacerdotal language, and the solemnities of repetition. - John Crowley