if I read the numbers
if I plead with gods
if I take pills to sleep
if I despair
if I don't understand why this disease
furiously fights for him
if I cannot speak
if he grows weaker, then rebounds
if he lives through this
if he dies
if again and again
we'll have more
weeks up and down
if the grandchildren look at their great uncle
eyes wide and cry
Papa? Papa?
as if their word for you,
worried,
homeless,
might find him instead
if I cannot say dead
if I cannot say cured
if I have too many words
but never enough
