this

so slim
rests.

an away
and back

tonight

a  revival

Bhikku says a good awakening.

It was for her a race against the rising tide of panic that came with this,

the present.

The present was not a gift.

It was a bitter stew of every small and large flaw she contained,

every stupid thing she had said, every error, anger, hurt inflicted and given.



To quiet her mind she found a mahjong puzzle,

solitaire, in the shape of a coal tug.

She played again and again for hours, for days, months,

pushed and pulled, towed through and against the panic.



144 pieces, an enigma of placement and chance,
heavy lidded hours
of subtraction strategies,
luck,
patience.

The distance closed down to 12 tiles,
6
and then no moves more,
not ever,
as if the tiles themselves,
dangerously close to extinction,
reroute.

Avoid discovery.

Shuffle underneath.

Refuse to pair.


She couldn't win.


Four years after his death, she admitted defeat.


Unsolvable.


To live with that

to upend the inadequacy, to accept failure

Summoned

to return, however painful, to now.

This is the solitaire that is.

I'm the boat in need,

upstream and cross-current,

pushed forward, tugged,

unpaired,

as one.

The life of a single day is better if one sees the rise and passing of things. 

8.113 Dhammapada

d i s r u p t i o n    ( d i s t o r t )

unsolvable

won't quit
this.

delete complete. open. repeat.

no panic. no mind.


time to leave.


time for this to go.

so completely.

there have been others.

unknown.

resilience

the Wound is the place where the Light enters you.... Rumi

mahjong - the boat

Place, push, erase a tile, then another.  Listen to the invisible. The boat remains, in pieces.

The hull remnant, splintered mast.

the wreck drifts beyond salvage, a dream.

so calmly
the  hours

contentment

キンモクセイ [ 氷 ]

The smell surround -  kinmokusei

October's days, lingering.





Sweet olive, osmanthus.

speaks    甘い amai sweetly





November's the wind, a mountain stinger.

Takao is drinking   氷 Kōri  i c e.

puzzled

stumped

mused

After killing mother (desire) and father (conceit) and two warrior kings, ..destroying the kingdom and its subjects along with it, the brahmin goes on  his way unperturbed.  Dhammapada  21. 294