Thursday, March 27, 2014

how to serve
an aching heart


when it is impossible
to shift
to sift
to sieve
through so much

where to put things?

what to say?

why say anything?








wish to fly
to another dark place


sun,

come

soon.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Monday, March 17, 2014

turn


when
bruise
blood
breath
wane
when
bone
ash
itch
remain

when without has won

when the wide opens

turn.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

missed you
missed you
too

blue and red light therapy

During the first few experiments

the disciples of light

were amazed

no one believed it

stunned

the first blue

killed

bacteria

red

raised the eye two lines

blue 

went into streams and rivers

scooped water from the surface

and heat-saved

drank the sun

why does it work?

red light reels

photosynthesis

chloroplasts mitochondria

rescues the metabolically challenged

tune then to

the bluest the bluest

pathways

pathways

open to the sun







3 months 2014

epiphany
first and last
ash and passion


the snow returns
not much falling
enough to remind us
all warmth in March
is deceptive here

the clocks rhythym
beats forward
church bells retreat

the Lenten sun
undone


Baucis and Philomen

it is 41 days without you
I made a painting of this moment
when you pleaded with life to take us together
or you first
two trees
one earth
triangular reach
white separation

"One problem is insoluble. One day the blow will fall and separate us. No friendly god
will turn us into a tree to shade the farm.
...I lack the means of imagining the moment of separation. As I am neither able nor willing to imagine another life, some kind of life beyond the frontier, the perspective is appalling. That nobody will have not even have a memory of an affinity."

Ingmar Bergman, The Magic Lantern

Monday, March 10, 2014


illuminata

what if this were everything?
would it be enough?
yes
Freedom is beautiful. Grief is its sister…to live and love well is to lose deeply, and with finality as only life presents. 

And that is as it should be. 

But the terrible ache cannot be pushed aside. It has to be free too.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

scratch

on my leg
a scratch


your last
touch
heals
slow



37 days

don't go

grief
slams against me

my chest hurts

my arms ache
for you

I walk downstairs

black box
white bone dust

no arms

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

When does my deep mind return?
Saw it for a moment yesterday, wandering around the studio.

middle

Wednesday
in white
enveloped in white
where is the lamp?

cars are lamps
and the jasmine with new leaves also
lamplights
in white

I'm in the  middle, half-lit,
between next and after
in white

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

4 March

one month ago
you died
it is 11F  outside
and snowing

dhamma says
no clouded sky or mountain cleft
no river valley
can hide one from death

you did not hide
sun lit your face
as you left us


it is snowing
a boy you  knew
nearly died yesterday


your best friend's pain is palpable
unconstructed
and very, very beautiful


you were beautiful


108 times each day I send loving kindness to all things
and nothings
remembering now you are both





Monday, March 3, 2014

Icaro

Icaro came late to us today
too late for you my love
to see a young man who also fell from the sky

this man was hungry and lost

as we were once

I fed the stranger as the Greeks and Ottawa say you must

I thought of your white beard flashing under an Aegean sun
a skiff of a man
looking for an island
or a boy
or an end
in summer

twice

I cried
with sounds that I did not recognize as mine




achilles' shield

we agreed
it was the finest unseen thing ever described
a leather sea of story

eleven days

ten to mourn him
the eleventh to burn him
as he rises
above the city walls
falling as he did
too proud
too
soon