Tuesday, December 31, 2013

white stone


housebound

he's got a pain that travels from knee to stomach
a gnaw a knot
a needling ache
it's less when he's
prone
to criticism

8 degrees

new moon
powder snow
skin stinging cold

dexter gordon playing Sonny Stitt  in Holland 1964
it was like that


Saturday, December 28, 2013

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

daydream

Bob shoveling snow

Jasmine in Ubud

Anca's hole in the ceiling

under
milk skies

enter
emptiness

rescuing
them
from danger
and
confinement

I daydream about
those kinds of things

sick as a dog cause

I am sick as a dog
my brain is foggy
my decisions should not be trusted

therefore

I
am
free

of interpretation

imagining

light as a post to
and  reply

texting
without the love letters


an echo
an echo
and then

stop

to begin again

as above

so below
I can't get on to
youtube
or access


peace

where I'm going next

it's on
the devil comes at four o'clock
we're ready  for him
the question is
where are we going next?


dry sip

it isn't cost
it is just ignorance
inside the bottle

don't quote me

globe

snow
falling
on

Saturday, December 14, 2013

sleeping
beside me

how many breaths per minute?
soft full low long - 17, 18, varied

your fingertips are torn paper dry
skin cells die quickly this week

clammy to the lips
that kiss
you
a toxic piss spill

still
you're
at peace

alive



more boats

you read

Orwell on Kipling
(" I don't know much about him really")

I gild

green paper boats

the house is clean and quiet

more boats

this morning I bowed in my head
I heard the prajna paramitra

like the Milwaukee River
running black in my brain

free

boats
aren't thoughts

prayers
aren't thoughts

cancer
isn't thought

clean
quiet
clear

more boats

nowadays

I  cannot count the times I have scratched this from essays
by Koreans and Chinese
Kuwaitis and  Saudis
an occasional Brazilian

nowadays is the um of adverbs
and so condemned to fill the awkward pause of second language time

it's not fault but ubiquity
that irks

in this tongue we like to hedge as we imply
leave a little wiggle room
to forget the present
ignore time for signs
of
something
not
quite


here



first heavy snow

a white light foot of it


K's dream

second day after chemo
weak
sleeping most of the day

you say -

the best dream
was the one
where I made a lot of money
for my boss
George Washington

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Saints day

Saint Damascus, a man

a book in Latin

a lion a book another man

the window where
Jerome
stares out
impatient with
boys and snow
Fed on joy, wind, green apples.

Brought together
as honey and dust
as cusp above
so below

the point being
earth

and what it raised

rises





repeat

an open book

a closed book

a work in progress
not what we ask for
what we are given

your sadness will not go away
but you will go away

what legacy?


what grace?
my sister made a small hole in the universe
planted a seed
and grew 
regret
comparison
yearning

are the three magi
of the heart

acceptance
clarity
gratitude




Saturday, November 30, 2013

2 years

have passed
I don't have a Master's which had been considered
or a cat
another option out
but
my husband got sicker
and I stopped blaming him for him
and decided to love all of this -
the unseen
the stubborn
the lost
the what if
and the what wasn't
and the what is

who knows what hold the past has broken?

work

too much
too little
with holes

all told
whole life
isn't too bad

change

toussaint whitefish
fideles
red

Friday, November 29, 2013

thief

one word


מלה





كلمة
palabra
ordet
워드
an focal

dream

grew a forest of kalanchoe
flowering out
from the inner dark
of  brain and stem


Thursday, November 28, 2013

question

mother, can you see me here
it's a cold place
where my kind are rare
as, perhaps, they always are
(you'd say)
I'm lonely as
Willy's clouds
or
a single drop of rain

mother, tell me,
have we considered forgiveness

are we done with one another ?


can we feel, mother,
the undone other
and his mother

within?





a very short introduction

to
the
next appointment
(destiny)


meeting you

meeting you
orange roses
Kerala pickles and
book drowned Nazis

clap sensei

what
is
this?


Ison

meet the sun
done

one un
done.

dogen's done

said let's see more now than before



message


in this year of stupendous ups and downs

today let's be thankful for the small miracles Life offers us

and may we gather our strength and will to create a positive 2014

filled with genuine Buddhist serenity, generosity towards others,

and unprecedented artistic achievements.

Love is difficult.

And then we love some more

thanksgiving

the light that comes
before it reaches
an end
one candle
two





Sunday, November 10, 2013

Saturday, November 2, 2013

garde

chrysanthemums
by the eastern fence



all souls

new moon in Scorpio

16, 219, 220
the Dhamma says
"coming home after being gone a long time"

had a dinner of smoked trout

you were under water.

we saw a movie about the sea

and another about a pool,

fools and wise men in both.

we fought and walked, later wept.

you slept in sweat, three times changing your clothes.




Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Robins fighting

near the pin cherry, in midair.


Nabatea

the subtle drops within bell cisterns hold
fluid women and water.
buried here a lost city - stillborn stone.

alone.



port

Snaking under the collarbone,
lifting out of the skin,
the port begins with
collapse,
begins
with
lost.

I have fears of surrender.

He's lost 6 pounds.
His body lifts as I unwrap the arm with the bloody tube.

the bloody tubes

the clear clean poisons

the constant mediation of the puncture

I have fears of undertow and deflation,

of us, port side

done.




Sunday, October 20, 2013

say one thing

i love you
on my mind
all the time

in the garden

white throated
vesper
sparrows
returning
junco
vireo

"ground-loving"
ovenbird
wood
wood thrush
wren
then
brown creeper
brown ground
sound
downy
woodpecker

this one
the color of the crushed
yellow
leaves

they are sieves
birds
in the
garden


change

low cold
blue moon
midmorning veery

Saturday, September 28, 2013

parts

hers
a child's body broken like a doll
an arm
a sealed pubic mound
left among pages of an illustrated book
dessicate
a beige, brittle cruel dream

his
a leaning garage he's painting
in November
with a clumsy man
who falls into an icy pool
and topples into a neighbor's fence
the garage will fall
he tells me after waking








Thursday, September 19, 2013

that
which
trembles


shook.
one
or two
things
matter:


how
his head
enveloped in candlelight

resembles

a
small
vase of
flowers



Monday, September 16, 2013

film


first
he
light sensitive
full of liver
lessening tumors

second
slender toxic filament
finds him

scrimmed
under water

third
exposed
unfolding
narrative



drawn

to water
the
spill
the rill
the fountain's frisson
the reason
for
stone
canyons
arroyos
flooded
fields
of rice

paper

drawn

after wane

rain.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

fleur

orchid
proteus
hydrangea
tea rose
stattice
gerbera
carnation
chrysanthemum
dianthus


goldenrod
chicory
valerian
boneset
thistle
milkweed
coreopsis
echinacea
clover
asclepias
nightshade
aster

birthday flowers


purple
fuscia
lilac
crimson
scarlet
coral
salmon
yellow
orange
yellow
yellow
purple
purple
rose
green
green
green






navigation

waxing crescent
the mind
wanders
far
wide
alone

all water

under the skin
moist
muscular
earth
pulled
moon


gravitas


heart h.




Monday, September 2, 2013

what love drives me to be still
when within I cry out
weeping into my hands?

boat

1000
copper clad
and green
wishing your life
afloat.

seamus

dug through life
unafraid
returned to
ground

peat driven, loved.

the clearwing

sun humming
a probiscis unfurled
into
into
the hottest day's flowers
reminds one
of other
delicate winged
dreams







Saturday, August 17, 2013

foxes

3 kits and
a mother -
their earth is near.

Hearing mice at 150 feet,
we watch them leap.

The night air deadens red.
Instead,
only shadows play, tails tipped
in white.

I thought

To be born blind
and see much!

Such life for 4
in darkness!




Thursday, August 15, 2013

I have lost my balance. I read too much about illness and death, play dice with statistics, bargain with fate.

Let him live a year. 







birds

The box elder gone.

Still,

cardinal
thrush
warbler
creeper
woodpecker
nuthatch
sparrows
wrens


6 days



finished with

chemotherapy
edema
nightmares
catheters
a watermelon
2 cantalopes
peaches
plums
and
4 apples (Pink Ladies).



Friday, August 9, 2013

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Friday, August 2, 2013

diagnosis - before


When a man is without self-identification with any object or idea, and does not grieve for what does not exist - that is what is called a Bhikku.    Dhammapada 25. 367


This -
known from
a discernment, an accumulation,
by sifting through
ciphers.

Here the signature - naming it.


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

late afternoon

air so clear
a second day
blue deep water
sailboats, a pod of them
his pain
his pain
we sit and look
we sit and look again
we are clear
for a second day
and true blue deep
as an endless
late afternoon

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

LUMA


July 20–November 3, 2013
“The absolute acknowledgment of all that lies beyond us—the glory that fills heaven and earth.” This definition of worship by author Evelyn Underhill is what artist Teresa Albor references in her installation All That Lies Beyond Us. People of all ages, faiths, and nationalities are invited to participate by writing to Albor about their own evidence that something lies beyond us.
Over the life of the exhibition, submitted statements will be written on the gallery walls of the museum.
my answer Albor's  "Why I know something exists beyond us": 
I know this? No, no knowing, an impossiblity of knowing - that is biological and timely. This is more a sensation within and without time, within and without my personal me, a sense of before and after and now losing relationship, slipping into one other seamlessly, on and on and on. So why not ghosts and heavens, gods and God, godlessness, nothing, lux continuum, absolutes of longing and completion and darkness? 

unripe

pears
so many this year
living half
dead
twisted into

4 days left to live

boat

hope
floats

wait

wait
wait
corner light voice
inside mind
I thinking you gone
sobbed
but there beside me
propped up
too many pillows
waking at 5
to take codeine
playing with time
wait
wait
that signal voice
encapsulates what cannot be
those liver spots
my red ache too
you you
fine boned face
slender
lids over blue
breathing
breathe
wait


Sunday, July 21, 2013

full moon

dream -

rescued
cat
full of fleas

bathing
saves
fur

her pure white purr

a full moon






e x h i b i t i o n n o t e s for a u g u s t 2 0 1 3


LIVES BY WATER 

a (brief, finite, female, male) history of


light and darkness


39 millennia

5 living religions

second languages

Fibonacci sequences

enzymes    ectopic tragedies 
remissions    recurrence
e  l  e  c  t  r  i  c  i  t  y

the course of

vascular systems
(riverine, botanical, poetic inheritances)

simple present

a gift

to be




time (less) 





three continents of rivers
a copper stream
108 
1000
100
99 names of

think of your life water
fulvic
fundamentally
inseparable
from



Thursday, July 18, 2013

scan

liver
nodes
doctor's consolation


biopsy.


next,

not falling.


attention -
most
prized
possession

dream

moon waxing gibbous

108 stones
bindu
copper



thursday

black road
uphill
bridge

wind
window

father
son
walking

calgary
is a pear tree







Wednesday, July 17, 2013

tenderly I now touch all things
knowing
one day
we will part

john of the cross

blue glass ring

given

a circle

blue

fragile

silica

sand

band

to remember you

when far away




anger

round the Qaaba
a hundred, ten thousand times
never free

this unkind word
breathe it in instead of out

and rise



an outage
for 4 hours

his pain for 5 weeks

lights on

pain

pain

his

interrupted awareness

walked

night
half moon
fireflies
boats lit float
stars
stars
trees
see small things

7 kms?
more
no salt here
only wind
and
freshwater


hard to think in heavy heat

term of endurement

awake at three in the morning
"..neither wealth nor splendor,
but tranquility and occupation,
that give happiness."

thos. jefferson

Saturday, July 13, 2013

lungta

five wishes


what's wrong -
his
bile
or
blood
or bone?

his stomach is a glowing stone -
hot pain.
in water, he rinses for hours.


what's growing
in him
this sleepless night?

Friday, July 12, 2013


good
bad
empty
clean
stomach

pain

is


is

I'm not ok
with
pancreas
colon
metastases

what I remember most
3 faces
serious
eyes lowered
unsmiling

I won't let you take more codeine than prescribed
you can't eat everything
or second guess
a
bad
good
empty
stomach





Thursday, July 11, 2013

3 books

to take thirty years of my artmaking life

three books

open book

closed book

work in progress

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

pies frios


under the ice
drained lake
floods fresh to sea

자비 동정

jabi
dongjeong

통렌 (tonglen)

불완전 (bul-wongeon )
i m p e r f e c t i o n s

사랑이 가능합니다


  salang i ganeunghabnida
    l o v e  i s  p o s s i b l e



ignore warning



underneath her
two blue feet




Monday, July 1, 2013

Friday, June 28, 2013

gertrude

june 28th
she died

bronze age

90% copper
10% tin


from a single mine
deep in England

a possible 26 million cuts

malachite
tines

green ground
smelted ore

bellows
breathing tempo

at the edge of
village
knowledge

casts of clay and

stone
sword
excalibur


Wednesday, June 26, 2013

news


boundaries between the spirit world and the natural were permeable, and things like rocks, trees and water sources -- including caves -- "were places those boundaries could be crossed."

tasting 2.6 billion year old water
clear 
deep within the earth

a mala from fire
a tasbih from Yemen
the child gave her the rosary
and said

pray with me


Sunday, June 23, 2013

angelic mistakes

said roger lipsey
to

merton
who
drawing
knew

lax
reinhardt
suzuki

he
53

see
another mistake?

karma
god
guess

water
electricity
baptism
death

mountain monk

Think of the old married monk,
living in a hut on the mountain -
his thin wife,
fat little dog.
He came out for a half jar of candy,
and spoke only hangeul,
slowly, as one does
when
utterly incomprehensible to another.

We
left
something  small.

All
walked uphill,
through his garden of fruit trees and vegetables
smelling of shit, piss, and earth.

anonymous

was a 

geomancy

many drown in the north
where weather and religions meet
the earth is water
the sky has no air
stone is the only hope

a great mast within
tie yourself to it
plug your ears with duck down
don't
listen
to
the


a convergence of stones - baltic sea/ jeju island


history - a lecture on korean buddhism by frederick starr 1918

"we are told that in the year 378, as the result of the coming of these foreign (Buddhist) priests, the city of P'yeng-Yang was laid out as a great ship. To us this sounds strange. It is not easy for us to realize a city was regarded as a great ship and that a mast was erected in its midst, aparently in order that the sails of prosperity might waft the ship to good fortune and success. Outside the city were stone posts to which the ship was to be tied up, and for many years it was forbidden to dig wells in the city because it was feared that if a well were dug, the boa would spring a leak and the whole place would be foundered. ...I am not sure if such ideas are connected with buddhism, or whether they only form a part of that old gomantic philosophy whic has so greatly influenced Chins, Korea, and Japan through centuries....Old masts are scattered all over Korea, here and there, sometimes in quite inaccessible places; built of wood, they rise to a great height, and are sheathed with metal, which may bear an inscription and date. Many other places that P'yeng-Yang were thought of as great ships - temples, cities, entire valleys.

below from http://fengshui-harmony.net/blog/korean-geomancy-fengshui-korea/


In 1929 Japanese researcher Murayama Chijun collected 174 different names of geomantic landscapes in Korea. However, looking closer some names have not been recorded at the time, so the estimate must be even higher.
These personified landscape systems function to accumulate and manifest vital landscape to the occupier. Similar to Chinese fengshui the aim is to live in harmony with the surrounding and to enhance its own dwellings with an abundancy of auspicious qi. In Korea however, the geomantic landscapes are taken a step further.
In the geomantic landscape of a sailing boat for example, the Korean believe that to dig wells are equal to putting a  hole put into the bottom of the boat. So places declared as the geomantic landscape of a sailing boat hence do not allow people to dig wells for fresh-water supply but instead the people rely on rivers and lakes nearby which are often contaminated and not very clean.
In the opposite direction, if the landscape seems to be missing a sail mast or anchor, these are artificially created by the local people so that the geomantic landscape picture can be fully applied. The anchor for example is very important as otherwise the sailing boat and its auspicious qi could travel away.
If the landscape resembling a sailing boat features helm, sail mast and anchor the place is very auspicious. If it has none than the site is regarded as the boat being instable and it may capsize or sink.
An example for this type of landscape formation is Haeinsa Buddhist Temple in the slope of Kayasan Mountain.
Haeinsa Temple in Korea
The ecological links concerned with this landscape image are as follows:
  • no digging of wells (equals a hole in the boat, so it would sink)
  • restricted numbers of dwellers (otherwise the boat would sink or capsize)
  • providing a mast (by erecting a mast)
  • floating the boat in water (by creating a water feature if it is not naturally given by a lake or river)
  • stabilising the boat
  • anchoring the boat (as otherwise it might move to another area)
Hence the idea of the geomantic landscape is very different in approach to the Chinese one. Even though there seems to be the one or other folk story on similarily described landscape in China, this type of approach to Feng Shui has not been recorded in any of the classics nor is it commonly used nowadays. It is a very specific Korean approach to geomancy.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

dream

Jebel Hafeet
1249 meters above
Oman and the Emirates
saw it from my window
dusty
magnificent
a dhow floated by mid-air
and a mullah called prayer
it's there
in the darkness
of my mind

woke to rain and a tribe
of chattering finches

rain


wettest in memory
this month
the roof is failing
an old, tired roof
exhausted by water

the roses are gluttons
greedy for the soaked soil

the air cool

a woman in India
scolded all
this is the inundation
the tipping point
of new and mighty
storms

we leave behind
the still
and enter a
torrent

monsoon festivals june india and ladkh

18.6
Dussehra
when the Ganga descended to earth
Varanasi
Haridwar
Rishikesh

18.19.6
Padmasambhava
birth of Tantric Buddhism
during Hemis
in Leh Ladkh

23.6
snake boats racing
Champakoolan Moolam
in Kerala

24.6
John baptizing
Sialim, northern Goa







Monday, June 17, 2013

Saturday, June 15, 2013

said

you shouldn't be here now
ruined the seventh month

why didn't you go
far, far away?

let's write up an agreement
you can't live here
as you wish.

invisible.
that's your ticket.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

relict

kalpa


the cd


within a crystal stupa

Xoloitzcuintle


here
a splinter of  bone


x
marks the spot


(SHOH-loh-eets-KWEENT-lee)


where the dog god grew














to j re: a


in your village, j,
sun
radishes in the garden
reading poverty fireside
distilling eau de vie
clear
colorless
politics


you are in the middle j
tenth letter prose
closed earth
secure

"a"  has a half thumb, clawed,
broken fingers
missing earlobes

he wanders the dark
afraid of girls on bikes

he doesn't know
Panegoosho
Keats

beauty is truth he said
half dead
his alcohol cheap

"a" begins each infinity
large and small
sleepless
afraid

he's an artist too
like you
a minotaur
in europa













Thursday, June 6, 2013

1000 boats before a wedding

desire
one
vessel
at a time

years coming this
unexpectedness
a coupling
a coup
you
you
you

loved

for 1000 lives



mala notes

Fishing line's not right for this -
doesn't express
emptiness.

Saw
thread instead,
soft to wind
bind a wrist or room

Seeking soft and string -
is it black as
blackest light of the heart?

A start,
this remembering the heart.

Losing
empty and full
is wise, difficult  work.

Deceived by invisibility?
What exists is
shadow,
form,
a conversion between,
seen
now.


How?




Wednesday, June 5, 2013

a.m.

"flod" boats folding
bowing
rain
spoke to sister again

thought "what is fine I do not sign"

bought fishing line

for bronze mala beads
planted squash seeds

listened to
soil
water boil (yams, eggs for dinner)
men at work
Gerontius
lost in time
returned
after nine
minutes









Tuesday, June 4, 2013

alopecia

unrecognised

clarity

the wreck

A wreck - it's what we call
this mess of dead and dying,
thousands washed ashore -
after storm,
after life.
It's a strange reckoning,
this careful determinancy.
Will so many lost change things,
upset the balance,
require us
to save lives?


The last week in May saw 3500 dead Puffins wash ashore in Northern Britain. Such massive die-off is not unexpected during a hard spring, and scientists believe it will not affect the stability of the present Puffin population.  Dedicated to all those who have lost their lives in global conflict the last week of May 2013.

frog or toad

first I've seen
on the hosta leaf

striped, still

sister says
listen

does it sing?


mourning cloak - nymphalis antiopa (Linnaeus 1758)

their wings -



black


black

an irregular terminal brightness.


He
waiting 
estivated, overwintered,
first roused
alone. 


she
sunlit, sap fed,
hovers,
hesitant.


they
in this
egg encircled twig.



Tuesday, May 28, 2013

28 may water dream

rain
rain
again

the wet bridge flags
           
as the old man
lifts wood
in his sleep

I regret wine
he sighs

he
places feet
on cloud cumulus

spans solid ground?


thin
waves of


to

bow
is
as
1
0
8
is



Sunday, May 19, 2013

adrift

copper hulled
safe from sea worms
float
above
cold fish fjords
ice lipped, strange tree,  there
young squirrel's nest of pear
blossom and branches
spring ahead
but the
the sky
the sky
freezes this
adrift
a sparrow
a warbler
a strange black bird
upon the sea



Thursday, May 16, 2013

prairie grass burns quick and hot
high as, higher than a woman

thought of Nebraska
an endless sea of green







I live
insular
3-6 months a year.
So many days and nights away
among strangers and friends.
New streams found,
unfamiliar fields
of light and darkness.

Yesterday, looking out
the studio, I saw a
song sparrow.

She clung to the screen,
looking in.

It's spring.

Am I digging up roots
or planting them?


Monday, May 13, 2013

1000 boats

losing you
as 1000 boats
float
away.

3 thrown holy things


3 holy things thrown together
the fern curl of an Irish crozier
Egyptian baptismal ladle
a buddha from Swat

not

unexpected

this
desire to reinvent
another's sacredness


linguistic numbers

13000 years BCE
24?
swadesh says
241
215
or
206.
Then taken down
pared to
100.
Lately screened, scrimmed
to
35,
perhaps even an odd 23.

23?
24?
No more?



a common language


we
I
you
know what fire
words give

bury
spit
in ashes

bury
man woman
child
under
them

those ashes.
those words.
so many, so many.


bell beakers

this
sings
rings

sound
bowl
cup

up
from earth




Sunday, May 12, 2013

Monday, April 15, 2013

prediction

todays high
61
61!
better
than sun

my netsuke


ideally
1
one of Eileen Myles
hunched over a barren
Icelandic blueberry bush,
she waterlogged, impatient

2
the keel and ribs of a sunken ship off Norway

3
a northern Stone Age dugout canoe

4
and an ancient Kuwaiti reed boat

5
I'd carefully place the one of a woman trying to put in her contacts in my hand
feel the rightness of her fight with lenses

6
this one is a periwinkle unsure of its gender

7
and this a sea worm with a hole used as mouth and anus

8
here's a starving seal pup

9
and burly armed man holding his dead daughter

10
Kim Jong-un with that ridiculous haircut in lotus position, pouting

11
I'd like one of a pawpaw ripe and split

12
and another of staghorn sumac

13
a rattler sleeping under oak leaves

14
and a muskelunge encircled by a stream of alewives

15
I'd like one of deer teeth and field stones

16
of a fossil trilobite and a mealy bug

17
I'd like one of Jonathan Winters doing anything

18
and my father's dead hands holding a pine sprig
as he was when we buried him all those years ago

19
carved in quince, 2 wrestling
Danish children in snowsuits

20
a Korean mudong in an ajama pantsuit
and horsehair hat balanced on her knives

21
a Salvadorean curandera blowing out
evil spittle

22
a Sicilian stregheria curing a child's worms

23
did I mention a deer mouse with a kernel of corn?

24
an otter in kelp?

25
a flying fox with its wing around a tiny brown bat
who has the sniffles?

26
I want an ivory of a one-breasted cancer survivor
topless and defiant, beautiful

27
and another  ivory of my my husband"s
hairless body, strong and cancered, in truce

28
i'd like one of my cat Simon
turning round to look at me as he died

29
and one of tsunami detritus

30
a shelled Syrian apartment building

31
an Inuit snowmobile sinking into melting permafrost

and

32
an old paperback without a cover

33
a child with an iPhone

34
a chihuahua in a coat chasing its tail

35
Curious George
with President George
which one as yet undecided